Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
