i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize