You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
