We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
