So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
