Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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