i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
