Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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