Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She bit a glass in half.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
