I want to have your abortion
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
