you have to choose: penises or morals?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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