giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
