i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
