me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
