No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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