There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize