giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
