Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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