so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
