Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
