I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
