I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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