You're my little dorito
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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