well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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