I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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