I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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