everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
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