He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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