i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
