it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
