i can't believe i had my finger in that
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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