i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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