I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
