After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
