If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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