tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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