My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
