Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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