Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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