dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
