2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
