You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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