I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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