i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
