My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
