Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
