You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
