fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
