I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
