i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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