I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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