My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
