I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize