Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Randomize
