i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
