I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
