everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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