you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
