if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
