i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
