I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
