I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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