my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
