You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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