somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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