I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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