At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I accidentally burped into my bong.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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