there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
