i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
