this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
