i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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