Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
