Fine. I'll sleep in my office
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
