Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
