I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
