fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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