Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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