My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm having to shit out rocks
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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