No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
